Tag: loveyourself

Deconstruction

A few days ago I wrote The Perfect Imperfection.

I wrote a blog a day since. This is out of character for me for multiple reasons.

I usually want to review over and over. Change… rearrange continuously… Have someone review and approve. Then review it myself again and again. This can take days or even weeks. And then after weeks, doubt and fear of judgement sets in and I end up not publishing it at all.

After I wrote The Perfect Imperfection, I unconsciously started working on something that came up during one of my classes with my incredible teacher, Christina De Freitas. Deconstruction. Deconstructing some of my thoughts, emotions or some of my traits.

Last few blogs I wrote, I wrote quickly with minimal review and didn’t look for outside approval before publishing.  Slowly deconstructing my quest for perfection and my fear of judgement.

  1. 42 – The answer to everything – I wrote this on my 42th birthday. As simple as what I wrote is, I wouldn’t have published this a few weeks ago out of fear.
  2. No place I’d rather be – This one deconstructed both perfectionism and the fear of judgement. I would normally have taken days to film the perfect scenes and then days or weeks to cut and move pieces. I decided to let go… just go out and start filming. My nephew and I edited it in under an hour. What was important wasn’t really how the video looked, it was the intent and the message behind it. Before publishing the video, I was afraid of what people would think of the message or the result. But I overcame that irrational fear and just did it.
  3. Laser Focus – Here I talk about something I don’t understand well. I feared I would be all wrong in how I understand or explain it. Then, I just didn’t care if it’s right or wrong. It just felt right at the time and I went ahead.

Letting go, not overthinking and deconstructing some of our deep rooted thoughts and emotions is quite liberating.

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42 – The answer to everything

Today I turned 42. Feels like 24.

According to Douglas Adams’s novel, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the answer to the “ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything,”.

41 was already pretty intense so if this is true, watch out! Haha!

I feel younger, stronger and much wiser than ever.

You all can feel like this, it’s all about mindset…. 

Move your body, free your mind… Be happy!

“It might seem crazy what I’m ’bout to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way
…
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do
Hey, go, uh
Bring me down, can’t nothin’
Bring me down
My level’s too high to bring me down
Can’t nothin’ bring me down”

Go get it!

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The Domino Effect

For a long time, I was happy doing my little things in my own little world.

Last year, after a few months on medical leave, I slowly started to open up. I felt like seeing old friends, making new ones and exploring the world. I was still cautious… sticking to comfort like velcro.

Earlier this year, I met someone that, without knowing it, provided THE key.

The key was LOVE and the door was ME. It allowed me to slowly open up more and more… to see people… to see myself.

After this happened, everything quickly started to fall into place. 

Overwhelming? Yes! Scary? Oh hell yeah! Refreshing? Fuck yeah!

I’ve learned a lot about myself since and my ego still shows up from time to time to say: “Why didn’t I figure this out earlier? Why didn’t anybody teach me all of this sooner? I’ve wasted so many years during which I could’ve worked on all of this!”.

Then my true self remembers one of Gandalf’s quote:

“A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.”

Reality is, I was working on this all along. Working on me. I just didn’t realize it. Dominos were being placed in line behind that door. Once it opened, they just started falling one after the other and clarity started to set in, domino by domino.

Years of battle between me and my ego left markings on my back. Now, instead of fighting with my fears, I embrace them. I find courage, love, I move forward and finally show who I really am. It’s hard… but it’s fun.

I am out, sharing all of this with the world and the dominos will just keep falling forever. I have spent my life aligning them one behind the other without knowing it. Setting this path that is now laying in front of me.

“Not all those who wander are lost” – J.R.R. Tolkien

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us” – J.R.R. Tolkien

Two sentences that inspired the tattoos on my back and my chest. The tattoos represent a lot of who I am. Time, space, duality, fears, ego… The pieces I’ve discovered lately are balance, love, and awareness of the true self…

You are working on yourself every day. Whenever you face a challenging situation, embrace it. Learn from it. Grow from it. And then share what you’ve learned with others so they can benefit from your experiences.

Open up. Embrace your fears and find courage, find love. Courage to love yourself, courage to love someone and courage to live your life to the fullest. And believe me, you’re more ready than you think. Your ego and your fears are simply distracting you… blindsiding you. You have what it takes, you’ve got this! Get out of your comfort zone and charge!

“Don’t count the days. Make the days count.” Muhammad Ali

Writing and publishing this blog is scary as hell for me but let’s go! Embracing my fears, getting out of my comfort zone and finding the courage of pressing the publish button uuuuummmmmmmmm… Now!

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